I am not here

Revolution from My Bed

It’s been a long time, but not so long that much has changed; well, not for me anyway. I see the careers of my friends flourish. I see the bellies of my friends swell with the promise of a new kind of love. I see people commit to each other for always. I see the seasons change, perhaps more slowly than usual, and yet I am stationary, not still, but stationary.

For those wondering what has fuelled this messy, unplanned entry it won’t surprise you to learn that this weekend is both Father’s Day and my dead mother’s birthday. Sometimes, I let these things pass without a mention. It makes me feel more in control to keep it to myself, or to show everyone that I’m not intent on grieving forever, but the anticipation has been causing me to have panic attacks, and to take more drugs-GABA, benzos, and, my…

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