In Ontario a man defends torturing his son because the Devil. In Ontario a man and woman defend letting their son die of meningitis because nature. In Ontario a woman still wants to marry the man on trial for murder because love.

In Ontario thirteen million people do not figure into these scenarios. Ontario has no identity other than a majority loathing for its government. Ontario is nearly entirely on Eastern Standard Time except it isn’t and we’re all going to die.

The official bird of Ontario is the loon. The call of the loon is like a laugh and sometimes it wavers. Ontario is experimenting with more beer.